Contesting Normal

A while back I wrote this poem, then I folded it and tucked it neatly and placed it in my bag. I’ve been carrying it around since then. It’s a horrible testament to the dark place my head has been for months now. This is my confession, of sorts. An attempt to shine light on the darkness by confessing it exists. I don’t often write poetry anymore since fucking Facebook came into my life, but sometimes it just comes out. I’m guessing this is the me who tucks myself into myself because of my social anxiety. No offense to my friends, at all. I’m sorry for my bad thoughts. When I go somewhere with my friends, I have to push that anxiety down. The anxiety that says, “they don’t want you around anymore”. In my rational head, that’s my fault because I don’t reach out to people. In my head, its torturous.

So, here is the poem:

Hiding Deep Inside by Myself

Hello, from the depths I have plunged myself to
Protect myself from
People like you
and all of my friends

She’s scarred and She’s
Withered
Don’t look at her
She’d rather hide away
But no choice, never a choice

SHE doesn’t have a choice

He asked, “why weren’t you there?” (withered hag)

Say. Why wasn’t I there?

WHY WASN’T I THERE?

That’s the question, isn’t it.

From the inside where
I sit watching
this party She’s participating in
and here I am, safe inside

Like sitting in the middle of a bunch of pillows, I AM SAFE

But SHE noticed. She noticed and didn’t say anything.

INDEED, WHERE WERE YOU DENISE?

WHERE?

who fucking cares?

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